Just As I Am
by My Wonky Socks
Summary: Stabby oneshot, deleted scenes set around Series 2. Songfic based off of Just As I Am by James Murray


**Just some deleted scenes set around series 2. Songfic. Lyrics from Just As I Am by James Murray

"_I lie awake, thinking how much more can I fake? Don't even ask you might see the man behind the mask. The counterfeit soul is the price I pay for the games I play."_

Stephen lay awake on his bed staring at the ceiling, wondering if he could have any more successfully screwed up his life. Ten years ago he had made, what was proving to be, the biggest mistake of his life. He'd slept with Helen Cutter, let himself fall right into her web of lies and manipulation now, Nick, his best friend hated him, and had every reason to. Then there was Abby, beautiful, headstrong Abby, who he'd fallen in love with without even meaning to. He could see her shock and hurt filled blue eyes, at Helen's revelation of their affair, those eyes had killed him.

He wanted to go to her, beg her forgiveness, tell her he'd messed up royally, but he knew she'd never forgive him, he doubted anyone would. She would seek solace in Connor, her best friend, who loved her possibly more than Stephen did, he couldn't blame her for that, Connor was a far better person than he was, his biggest secret probably involved cheating at a video game.

He was worried about Nick, about his delusions of this Claudia Brown woman. Stephen wanted more than anything to be able to talk to his friend, make sure he was okay, but he was the last person Nick would confide in now, and he knew that.

The next morning brought him back to the ARC, everyone, especially it seemed, Abby and Nick, keeping their distance from him. He went through the day quietly, subdued, only speaking when necessary and staying in his office the majority of the time.

Two weeks later, the arrival of the new PR, Jenny Lewis, caused quite a stir, Cutter insisting it was Claudia Brown. He'd wanted to do something , try to help Nick work through what he was going through, but instead, he'd stayed off to the side, completely silent.

"_But when you catch me off my guard, you see through the charade, go beyond the disguise, you see me just as I am" _

Stephen sat at his desk finishing up his report on the previous day's anomaly. It had opened in a mall, releasing two adult raptors and a baby one. Abby had been accidentally shot with a tranquilizer dart by Connor when he'd tried to hit the baby raptor. They'd carried her to the bowling alley to keep her out of harms way while they caught the last raptor.

"_It's heading for the bowling alley guys. It's heading for Abby!" _Connor's panic filled voice had informed them.

Stephen had been gone at a dead run before Connor had finished saying the word bowling. They'd beaten the raptor there, finding Abby safe and unharmed on the floor. He'd knelt to the ground letting his eyes roam over her body, reassuring himself she was unscathed.

_If I had lost her… _he couldn't even complete the thought, it was an unthinkable possibility.

"Stephen," Abby's voice, quieter than normal zapped him from his thoughts.

"Hey Abby," he said, giving her a small smile.

"I didn't mean to just barge in, I knocked, but…"

"Yeah, I've got a lot on my mind sorry, have a seat" he said gesturing to the couch across from his desk.

She sat down and crossed her legs, gesturing for him to come sit beside her. He came across the room and sat down beside her, keeping as much distance between them on the small couch as possible.

"How are you doing?" she asked, her blue eyes studying his intently.

"Fine, why?" he replied, intentionally being evasive.

"Liar," she scoffed, "Stephen, you haven't talked to anyone hardly since Helen showed up."

"Yeah, well I doubt any of you have much wanted to talk to me either."

"That's not true," she said glancing away shyly, "I don't understand why or how you could sleep with your best friends wife, okay, I don't, but it was along time ago, and to me the important thing is you didn't abandon us and go with her. Stephen, I know how much this has hurt you, how much it's changed you I can tell, I just want you to know that I'm here if you need to talk."

He remained silent, surprised by her concern, he felt her reach over and squeeze the top of his hand before getting up and leaving the room.

He had thought there was no one he could turn to, no one who would care, maybe, just maybe, he was wrong.

"_And what comes through? Can you hear me calling? Can you stop me falling?"_

Stephen sat in his car and stared at the building in front of him. He shouldn't be here, he had no right, but he'd almost lost her again, and wanted to see her, see again that she was fine and well. The door to the flat came open and Connor walked outside, Stephen immediately worried Abby was suffering some weird aftereffects of the attack got out of his car and headed toward him.

"Connor! Is everything okay?" he called.

"Yeah, mate why?" he responded just as a girl, who he assumed was the infamous Caroline came out of the building behind him.

"I was worried something was wrong with Abby…" he said voice trailing off.

"Nah, she's fine and well, I'm just taking Caroline out to dinner."

Stephen raised his eyebrows shocked, grabbed Connor's arm and yanked him off to the side.

"You're going out on a date!" he asked incredulously, "Abby almost died and you're leaving her alone to go out with Caroline?"

"She's fine, Stephen, calm down, I'll see you later, don't want to keep Caroline waiting."

Stephen stared after him dumbfounded as he walked over and put his arm around Caroline.

He walked over to the door of the flat and rang the buzzer, after getting no response he figured it was broken, and let himself in.

"Abby!" he called about halfway up, not wanting to startle her by just barging in.

He waited but got no response, worried he hurried up the remaining stairs and found Abby curled up on the couch with her IPOD in. He gently put a hand on her shoulder, and she jumped slightly before turning to look at him.

"Stephen, what are you doing here."

"I wanted to check on you…I rang the buzzer but no one answered, then I tried calling out about halfway up, but I guess you didn't hear over the music."

"Don't worry about it, I was just a little startled. Thank you for coming by, I'm fine though."

"You don't look fine," he said knowingly.

"It's been a long day,"

"And Connor just left you alone to go out with Caroline."

"He's under no obligation to stay with me." she said in a voice that told him she really didn't want to breech the topic.

"Well, why don't I make some tea, you go get a shower and get cleaned up, and it'll be ready by the time you get out," he offered.

"You don't…"

"I insist," he said firmly.

She gave him a small smile, before rising to her feet.

"Thank you Stephen."

"_I'm only too aware, it's down to __you, you believing in me, seeing things within me, I never knew were there." _

He was just pouring the tea into cups when she came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a fluffy pink robe. He held the cup out to her, and I'm she took it gratefully.

"I really appreciate you coming over, Stephen, it means a lot."

"Don't mention it, I'm more than happy to come over anytime. I was worried about you today…"

She smiled, "That's sweet Stephen, I'm fine though, really."

They finished their tea in silence and Abby went over to the sink to wash up her cup, Stephen stood and followed with his. She didn't hear him come up behind him though and turned, running into him.

Their eyes met and before he could stop himself he'd leaned down and kissed her. She returned the kiss passionately, and he held her to him, reveling in the feel of her lips against his.

"I love you Abby," he whispered, pulling away briefly.

"_Your faith can win me, you love me just as I am"_


End file.
